Jesus help me

I've never been so unprepared for a test. I've never been so angry at myself.
I'm totally unprepared for the prelims.
I don't even know why I'm doing this.

Jesus months ago I promised, no matter what the cost, I'll live for you. No matter what it takes. I may stumble and fall. I may falter and cry.

But father please be there when I fall.

So when I fall, I won't be alone.

Jesus, I'm holding out right now. I'm pushing myself harder and further than ever before. Jesus bless me with wisdom and strength.

Jesus I'm yours. Please, guide my life

The horror

I really feel like screaming at the top of my lungs now.
My mind refuses to sit down for more than an hour and study. What IS THIS?

A lvls are coming. Check.

You are not studying... Check.

You are going to grow up to be a failure? ~ check?

I dunno.
I really need to sit down and organize my thoughts.

As we gather to seek your face

Father of creation, unfold your sovereign plan
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land
All of creation is longing
For your unveiling of power
Would you release your anointing
Oh God let this be the hour

Let your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek your face

Ruler of the nations the world has yet to see
The full release of your promise
The church in victory
Turn to us Lord and touch us
Make us strong in your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
Let us see on earth
The glory of your son

Breakdown

Although this isn't one of those experiences I wanna talk about, but I feel that I need to log it into the files of "stupid things done"

I finally passed the photocopied notes over to my friend.
Yes, it's kinda late. I'm not gonna push blames. Fact was, I could have done it myself.
I did not.

I entrusted my best friend to pass get it on tuesday.

Yeah right.

Now it's too late for regrets.
Fact 1: I'm unhappy with my best friend cause he took something personally important lightly.
Not the first time. But as a christian, and your best friend happens to be a jerk. What do you do?

Fact 2: I love to avoid things. Anything I don't like, I simply skip.

Yeah, I know. Bad habit.

Fact 3: Having many best friends around is totally pointless unless you have 1 that truely cares about your problems.

>.> I feel like the biggest idiot right now.
I care so much about friendship, time, money and effort is not a problem. If only the opposite was true....

Okay, ranting is sinful. Shall not rant anymore. It's disgusting anyway.

So anyway, I sat on my bed and did what david did best.
I kept singing, "i adore" by reuben morgan. Beautiful song.
Must have sat down and sang 8-9 times. cause two hours flew past and my throat was sore....

Why I sing

I wrote three letters.
Two to jesus.
One to me.

Now one of them is missing.

So I gotta write one more. Funny though, I know it's here somewhere.

Anyway, I've finally been working hard. And I'm yet again reminded that I'm nothing without God.

When I'm down, the first thing I do is ask god for comfort, and honesty.
But how often do I praise him when I'm sad or dejected. All I do is ask.
So even though I'm depressed right now... I'm still going to sing.

One day when I get to see Jesus in Heaven, and he asks me why I'm special.
I'm going to tell him that I'm the one that one that sings with joy when I have a problem.

Tranquility

Sometimes I really need to sit down with God.

I kinda spent my weekends away from books. No senseless mugging. No formulas or equations...

I really miss my time with God. I've been so caught up with my homework and the impending prelims that I forgot why I left the other church in the first place.

I wanna spend more time with God.

So I sat down on my bed and thought.

How often do I actually really sit down and talk with God?

How often do I commit my time with my actual father?

Yes, studying is important. But right now, all I wanna do is to be with Jesus.

In church today, I was thinking only idiots will be Christians because their lives seems to get harder.
But I'm kinda glad I am who I really am. Theres so many things being a christian gives.
So much more